BAD HAIR DAY

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BIRD DOGS FOR SALE

I WILL SOON HAVE BIRD DOG PUPS FOR SALE :

ANYONE WHO IS INTERESTED PLEASE CONTACT ME, THE LITTER WILL PROBABLY BE ABOUT 7 – 10 PUPS WHICH I WILL SELL AT A VERY REASONABLE PRICE.

I HAVE INCLUDED A PICTURE OF THE MOM AND DAD SO YOU WILL HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT THE PUPS WILL LOOK LIKE.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW SOON, AS THEY MAY GO FAST.

SUBMITTED BY : G-ADAMS

THE WISH TO UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

A guy walking along the beach finds a bottle and picks it up. A genie pops out and says, “Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness I will grant you one wish.”

The guys says, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can’t because I’m afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick. My wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii.”

The genie says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Think of the huge pillers we would need to hold up that highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it’s such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that’s just too much to ask. Impossible.”

The guy says, “Well, there is one thing I’ve always wanted to know. I’d like to be able to understand women…what makes them laugh and cry…you know, what makes them tick.”

The genie thinks a second, then asks, “You want two lanes or four?”

 

SUBMITTED BY: G-ADAMS

LOGICAL THINKING

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that cause’s the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake?”

SUBMITTED BY:G-ADAMS

FAMILY LETTERS

Dear dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you like you can $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

*****************************************

Dear son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even a hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad.

FART FOOTBALL

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says,  ‘Seven Points.’
 His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the
world was that?’
The old man replied, ‘It’s fart football.’
 A few minutes later his wife lets one go and
says, ‘Touchdown, tie score.’
 After about five minutes the old man lets
another one go and says,
‘Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.’  
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another
one and says,’Touchdown, tie score.’
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
‘Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.’ Now the pressure is on the old man.
 He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable,he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally shits in the bed.
 The wife says, ‘What the hell was that?’
The old man says, ‘Half time, switch sides.
 
 
Submitted by: T-BAYLISS

MEXICAN LION

This is a true [??] story of a Garage Owner in Mexico

He was sick & tired of thugs breaking into his garage shop to steal tools and etc.

So he came up with this idea . . . He had professionally  cut & trimmed a large fluffy dog to appear as a “Lion”.

Then he put the word out that he had a new “Mexican Lion” at the shop that would attack anyone who tried to break in or climb his fence.  

The would-be thieves saw the “Lion” from a distance and fled the scene.  This worked each and every time — they were convinced it was a REAL Lion!  Ingenious guy!

Submitted by : G-ADAMS