WANT A PEANUT

Advertisements

SWEARING PARROT

A guy has a parrot that swears like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.

But the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets a bit too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him, and yells, “stop it!”

But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets furious and says, “I won’t take this anymore,” and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.

This really agitates the bird, he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of curse words that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds there is a terrible noise and lots of squawking.

The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets all quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts getting worried. After a couple of minutes of silence, he can’t help but opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man’s out-stretched arm and says, “Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you.

I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.”

The man is astonished. He can’t understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says, “By the way, what did the chicken do?”

 

BLONDE COP

This blonde  cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

The blonde  driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have
left it at home, officer.”

“Well, do  you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

The blonde  takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says,
“Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”