MATHEMATICAL LOGIC

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%

But ,

A-T  -T -I -T  -U -D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B -U  -L  -L -S -H-I -T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that WhileHard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top..<

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THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD

The economy is so bad that… 

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

I bought a toaster oven and my free gift was a bank.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

They renamed Wall Street ” Wal-Mart Street.”

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally…

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

BOB’S FUNERAL

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.  

The doorman at the club greets them and says, ‘Hey, Bob! How ya doin?’

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

‘Oh no,’ says Bob. ‘He’s in my bowling league.

 

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, ‘How did she know that you drink Budweiser?’

‘I recognize her, she’s the waitress from the golf club.

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.’

 

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 

 

‘Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?’

Bob’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

 

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

 

The cabby turns around and says,

‘Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.’

 

Bob’s funeral will be on Saturday.

 

BLONDE COP

This blonde  cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

The blonde  driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have
left it at home, officer.”

“Well, do  you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

The blonde  takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says,
“Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK

The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game,she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described.

Teacher: “The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.

 Timmy: ” I know what it is, it’s an apple.

 Teacher: “That’s right, I like the way you’re thinking.

“OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it.

 Christopher: “I know what it is, it’s an orange.

 Teacher: “That’s right, I like the way you’re thinking.

Johnny: “Can I try, Teacher? 

 Teacher: “Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean! 

 Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for a second, and says “My object is round, hard, and has a head on it.

 Teacher: “Alright Johnny, go to the office! 

 Johnny: “No Teacher, it’s a quarter, but, I like the way you’re thinking!