TICKETS

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner. 

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SAFE DRIVING AWARD

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, “Is there a problem, Officer?”

“No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you’re going to do with the money?”

John thought for a minute and said, “Well, I guess I’ll go get that drivers’ license.”

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, “Oh, don’t pay attention to him — he’s just a wise guy when he’s drunk and stoned.”

Brian from the back seat said, “I told you guys we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car!”

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, “Are we over the border yet?”

BLONDE COP

This blonde  cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

The blonde  driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have
left it at home, officer.”

“Well, do  you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

The blonde  takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says,
“Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”