HAVE A GREAT DAY

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NOTHING LIKE MEETING OLD CLASS MATES

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD.

WELL . . . YOU’LL LOVE THIS ONE.                                                            
 MY NAME IS ALICE, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. 

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? 

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL. YES. YES, I DID. I’M A MUSTANG,’ HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?’ I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, ‘IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?’ YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’, I EXCLAIMED.
 HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. 

 THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-ASSED,
 GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT SON-OF-A-BITCH
 ASKED,
 
 ‘WHAT DID YOU TEACH??? 

Submitted by: G-ADAMS 

ALL GIRL BIKER BAR

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

 ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,

Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. 

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke? 

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.

SUBMITTED BY: G. ADAMS