THE SEVEN YEAR COMPLAINER

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He’s allowed to say only two words every 7 years. After the first 7 years, the elders bring him in and ask him for his 2 words. “Cold floors,” he says.

They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. He clears his throat and says, “Bad food.

They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say… “You’ve done nothing but complain since you’ve been here! “

HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR INSANITY

1.   In  the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write  For Marijuana.
2.  
Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with  a serious face. 
3.
  Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is To  Go.
4.  
Sing Along At The Opera. 
5.
  Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend
Their Party  Because You 
have a  headache. 
6.
  When  Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,
Yelling 
Run  For Your Lives! They’re Loose!    
7.
 Tell  Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The  Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You  Go.
           
8.
  PICK UP A BOX  OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY,
GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE  FITTING ROOM
 IS.